The Strength of Hope
A biography of an afghan mother
The word hope is defined as, “the action of cherishing a desire with anticipation.” In a simple sense, this does establish the meaning of the word. However I believe that hope can be so much more. To me, true hope is to desire something without an expectation of fulfillment. And the clearest example I’ve seen of this is through Melika. An Afghan who grew up in Iran, Melika’s story embodies the meaning of hope through a lifelong series of trials and triumphs. As she experienced inequality in school, an early marriage, and the Taliban rule, she never gave up hope for a better future. Melika helped me to truly understand the strength that hope can carry, and I know that her story will continue to inspire others as well.
Born into a large family in Iran, parts of Melika’s childhood parallel mine. Like me, she spent her childhood in a country that was not her own. I grew up in Germany as a military child, and she grew up in Iran as the daughter of an Afghan man. Oftentimes, living outside of a home country can make one feel as if they don't belong, but for Melika, that feeling didn’t last very long. Living in Iran provided her with opportunities to learn and understand the world from a different point of view, and she says, “despite how difficult it sometimes was, I wouldn’t change a thing”.
Melika began school at the age of seven in the first grade. On the first day of school, her brother walked her to the door. She recalls, “All the students were Iranian, I was the only Afghan girl there. I always tried to bring my brother in with me so that I wouldn’t feel so scared, but he could never come.” After about a month of feeling shy, however, Melika found her place. “My fear escaped and I was relaxed and it was really a memorable place for me”. From there on, school became one of her favorite places to be. Melika realized at a young age that she enjoyed learning and growing her knowledge, and so she dedicated herself to her studies. One of her favorite classes was English. Unlike my typical English classes, where we read novels and write essays, Melika’s English classes taught her how to speak and understand the language. “Deciding to take English classes was one of the luckiest things I ever did,” she said. “Since I studied English I could get lots of jobs and talk to people from all over the world.” And she did, in fact, do both of those. Nowadays, Melika is an assistant teacher at an online school providing classes to young girls, and she interacts with people from many other countries. She loves her job and all that comes with it, but she admitted that this life didn’t follow her original plan.
After high school, Melika wanted to attend University. In Iran, however, laws prevented non-Iranian citizens from attending post-secondary education. Despite her high test scores and grades, Melika had no way of moving on with her schooling. Instead, her path took a very different turn. At the age of seventeen, her father arranged her marriage to the son of a family he knew. She explained, “It was not possible for me or other Afghan people to go to University, so I decided it was better to get married.”
In Afghan culture, arranged marriages are very common. Melika’s father coordinated the marriage, partnering her with one of the few other Afghan families in Iran. “It was my father’s decision but I was okay with it,” she said. Melika only met her husband a few times before their marriage, but quickly got to know him. Growing up as Afghans in Iran, they had many things in common, and connected really well. When I asked what life was like after her marriage, she said, “I moved in with my husband and his family, and I never had any problems. I got so lucky. I love my husband, and he loves and respects me as well. Not everyone gets that.”
Shortly after being married, Melika got pregnant with her first child. “I was a young mother,” she said on our call, laughing. “My children are my favorite part of my life. I wouldn’t want it any other way.” After having her first son, Melika went on to have three more sons and a daughter. When her oldest son was about twenty years old, their family made the decision to move back to Afghanistan to find better jobs and be closer to extended family. Melika states that this decision was one of the best she ever made. “In Afghanistan our children can be around their culture all the time,” she said. “Along with that, I’ve had amazing opportunities to teach in many different schools, as well as being headmaster at a school for a few years.” Although she never got to attend University, Melika found ways to put her education to good use, and make sure that other young women can have every opportunity possible.
In Taliban-occupied Afghanistan, however, it’s rare for women to have the opportunities they want. Especially where education is involved. This fact affects Melika in two prominent ways: through her job, and through her daughter.
Firstly, it’s important to note how the laws of the Taliban affect women holding jobs. Since the Taliban retook power in Afghanistan in 2021, they have implemented a long series of laws restricting the freedom of women. Among these are rules preventing women from holding jobs with nonprofit organizations, jobs in the public service sector, and jobs which involve caring for boys and men. Luckily for Melika, teachers were still very much needed, so she could keep her job. However, she continued teaching in a much less conventional way. When restrictions were put into place, she joined an organization called Institute for English Literacy. This organization set up online schools throughout Afghanistan to provide education to girls. Since girls above the age of sixth grade are no longer allowed to attend school, one of the only ways for them to continue their education is through organizations like this, with the help of teachers like Melika. This organization goes against the laws of the Taliban, making it illegal to work for and attend, but Melika firmly believes that girls should be able to achieve any level of education. When I asked about her goals as a teacher, she said, “I do my best to encourage my students that there are opportunities available for them, no matter how difficult the world may seem,” and later added, “Through this school, we can teach girls skills that will allow them to go out into the world and make the lives they want.” It will always be difficult for girls to grow up in Afghanistan, but with a strong education, they can have a greater hope for the future.
Beyond helping other girls receive an education, Melika’s job as a teacher allows her to focus on the future of her daughter as well. To give some background information, it’s important to share about Melika’s experience mothering a daughter.
The birth of Melika’s daughter was a bittersweet occasion. During her pregnancy, Melika chose to wait to find out if she had a girl or a boy until the child was born. Upon discovering that she had a daughter, Melika shared that, “I looked at my daughter Kushaaneh and became sad; not because she was a girl, but because she would have to endure certain challenges, as I have. In our society, there are restrictions not rooted in our religion. Islam grants certain rights, but local tradition and customs often conflict with them. This discrepancy leads to women being deprived of some of their rights, such as suitable working conditions, safe environments, educational opportunities, and most importantly, the ability to travel abroad alone.” Due to the difficulties she had experienced in society, Melika understood the hardships that her daughter would undoubtedly face. It was hard for her to know that she could not protect Kushaaneh from this, but Melika promised to give her the best life she could. Although her birth initially brought sadness, it also gave Melika strong hope for the future. Exemplifying this hope, she spoke of the joy that came with her daughter’s arrival, “I was very happy because girls are more emotional than boys and closer to their mothers. Kushaaneh also makes me think about the world in different ways, and I try my best to be an example of a strong woman so that she can see firsthand the power that women can have.”
As her daughter has grown older, Melika believes that she has exhibited this strength and power in ways that cannot be taught. She shared with me many examples of Kushaaneh’s smart and caring nature, but one story stuck with me specifically. About eleven years after her daughter’s birth, Melika felt bad for a long period of time, and went to the doctor to ensure that nothing was wrong. There she discovered that she was once again pregnant. This came as a shock to her, since she had been on birth control pills since having her last child. After four children, Melika had no desire to go through another pregnancy and childbirth, and she was in a very poor mental state by the time she came to term. She said: “At the very least I hoped that I could have a daughter so that Kushaaneh wouldn’t be alone. When I gave birth to a son, I grew very disheartened and was unhappy for a long time.” She went on to explain that one of the only things that kept her going and made her happy again was her daughter. “She came to talk to me and comforted me to get me out of that state. I owe her so much, and she made me realize what a great blessing a daughter is.”
A common Afghan parable says that, “A son is a blessing, and a daughter is both a blessing and a curse.” Through this experience, Melika was able to recognize the truth of this statement. Despite the difficulty of seeing Kushaaneh grow up in an unjust society, she understood that her daughter was a gift that was unparalleled. Kushaaneh brought joy, compassion, and empathy into Melika’s life. She helped to care for her younger brother when Melika was overrun with work, and provided opportunities for fun outings and conversations that her teenage brothers had no interest in. At such a young age, Kushaaneh has already made an incredible difference in the lives she has touched. It is both my hope and Melika’s that she will be able to continue to do so as she matures into womanhood.
Outside of the life Melika has made with her family and her teaching, she has many other interests and aspirations. During our first meeting, she spoke of her love of travel. Although Iran and Afghanistan have many beautiful places, she wants to experience other cultures and expand her knowledge of the world. Travel bans make it difficult to leave the country, so she has made the most of it by traveling inside Afghanistan. As part of her description of the country, she shared about the historic art that she’s visited. One of her favorite pieces was the sculpture of Buddha in Bamiyan Province. To her, this sculpture symbolized what Afghanistan should be. She said, “Buddha represents peace, wisdom, and freedom from struggles. Seeing this sculpture carved permanently into our land gives me hope that those values will return to lead our society.” Although Afghanistan struggles with poverty, unjust laws, and violence, Melika believes that the future can still hold beauty and hope for her and her fellow citizens. Tangible art pieces such as the Buddha help exemplify this hope, but it is best shown through the words of those who live through these hard times. To experience the difficulties that Melika has been through and still maintain resilience and dedication is the sign of true strength. Throughout her life, Melika has faced incredible difficulties that I cannot begin to imagine. She bears them with stride, looking to the future instead of dwelling on the past.
Melika’s life and the impact she has on this world are far from over. She will continue to fight for opportunities for women, and will not stop until equality is achieved. In her own words, “I have endured these hardships because I know that the more we strive, the better we can live.” She models this through her daily life, and through her dreams for the future. At the end of our conversation, she expressed her deepest dreams, connecting them to her strongest beliefs. “I believe that all people in the world are connected, and we should support and help each other. Spreading love and understanding can lead to a better life for everyone. Let’s work towards unity and peace, avoiding conflicts and striving for a harmonious future. I dream for an equal education for our youth, so that they can be prepared for their responsibilities in society. I dream that all our girls and women can live the way they want, enjoying a comfortable and peaceful life. I dream for permanent peace in Afghanistan, so that no one feels the need to wish for peace anymore - because peace will already be everywhere. That is my dream.”
Those who are in the middle of challenging situations yet still hold onto hope are proof that change can come. With dedication, strength, and perseverance, dreams will become reality.
